A letter to my uppercase Car-jackers
In the midst of a reflection on friendships, adversity, and what I want to achieve I was pulled to read, then re-write a letter I wrote two years ago. After being the victim of an armed robbery (read about it here) I wrote my assailants a letter.
After a scant few hours of sleep I began planning for how to get back to Austin. As I started, something didn't feel, 'right.' I needed clarity on my state of mind in order to move forward with success. So, less than 10 hours after the event I decided to write a letter to what has become two of the most influential characters in my life, my car-jackers. Their actions saddened and inspired me. I am thankful for the experience.
To my car
To my Car-jackers,
When writing the heading of this letter I initially used a lowercase ‘c.’ I changed it before continuing to pen these thoughts. I’m sure you have been seen as lowers, treated as lowers, and told you are lowers for the greater part of your lives. Our society has embedded this belief of who you are so deeply that you believed them. Your desire to feel like uppers was is what guided your actions toward me. You wore masks because you are cowards and knew as much. Masks prevent anyone from seeing the sadness drowning your eyes. Barking commands and violating my autonomy let you forget the fear and injustice of your reality by passing it to me. Power was used to hurt you. You paid it forward. I will not.
I value my mental health and wellness practices. As such, I was aware of and evaluating my emotions throughout our ordeal. Where I expected anger and thoughts of retribution I found the desire to ask, “what’s wrong?” My urges for destruction were funneled toward whoever taught you the lessons that led to our interaction. Not your mother, father, siblings, neighbors, or community. I speak of the influential uppers that hold disdain for you and others like you. Those in power who actively sew discord into communities they deem lower. Those who support a system that planted and fostered the seed of ‘lower’ inside you. They hold my focus. Fiercely.
I do not absolve your actions and I respect the lives you’ve endured. Your choices were deplorable and should be treated as such in a system that acknowledges the damage dealt by underfunded schools and their pipeline to poverty. A system that does not allow the growth of entities and organizations that exploit the vulnerability of those most needing hope. You deserve a society that sheds those who create a need for lowers in their hunger for self-worth. Yet, these individuals also need and deserve help. Their humanity languishes in its own blend of self-hate. They require an understanding and patience similar to what is extended to you as I process our incident.
You took my stuff. It can be replaced. You accosted someone important to me. They are still here for me to enjoy their presence. This situation is an intense mix of feelings in which sadness and associated water droplets come only when I think of those who gave you a need to hurt others. I promise to give my all and make sure at least one child does not emulate your mistakes. That child will be the you who could have been healers instead of those who cause harm.
I hope and wish you success with caring for yourselves as well as possible, considering surrounding circumstances. You deserve better than hurting others for hollow happiness. Your victims deserve to have their humanity valued. The children you were and those now a part of your communities deserve the highest tiers of respect. I will strive to encourage their development of the strength of character needed to refuse and rebuke any designation of upper, lower, and anything in between.
Sincerely,
Elliott Niblack
